he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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