I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize