clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
