One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
