i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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