Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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