My sheets look like a crime scene.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
