im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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