I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
