We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
