when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
