she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
