Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
