Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
