I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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