i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
