She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
