I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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