Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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