I just pynch a tree in the face
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
