I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
