Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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