well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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