arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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