Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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