How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
