Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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