i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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