I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize