she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
