it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
