NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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