Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize