I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
