Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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