my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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