I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize