If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
