Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
