Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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