if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
