It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
