i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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