Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
