just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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