i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
