I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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