You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
