I don't usually arrange sex via text message
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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