I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
