I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
