i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
