My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
vagina is talking i cant
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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