And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
