so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
