We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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