So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize