you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize