I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
