At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize