ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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