its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You pole danced in your parka.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
