He felt like a one man threesome
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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