I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
