Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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