Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
