Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
