I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
