In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
