i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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