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I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize