so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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