i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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