i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
