Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
