i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
